Saturday, July 18, 2009

Sugarhood and homicidal transvestites.

.... I have a friend that works at the liquor store in Sugarhouse and I was chatting with him when I was there last night. We were talking about walking to work, he lives close to the liquor store, I live close to the Chevron. He said that he was a little wary about walking home since the shootout at the Tesoro two blocks from his store, and the arrest right at the liquor store.

.... He was working there when a transvestite, who goes by the name China, came in. The cop on duty that night recognized this person as someone wanted for murder. My friend doesn't know the details of the murder, but he did say that the cop tried to arrest China as he left the store. China put up a fight, wiggled free and started to back away. The cop shot his taser gun at the suspect, with no effect. No effect? you ask. Yup. Seems he hit the suspect right in the breast. The fake breast. Rumors of cast iron bras aside, falsies do not conduct electricity. So, the cop had to chase down the transvestite, tackle him and handcuff him before he was able to bring him in.

.... Now, murder and transvestites are not really that funny. The taser hitting the fake breast, well, is, and it reminded me of a story my maternal grandmother used to tell. She grew up and lived most of her life in Harlem in NYC, and worked in the garment district making hats. I think it was sometime in the 40's or 50's, she had breast cancer and had one removed. One thing she loved doing at work was freaking out the newbies by using her fake breast as a pin cushion. She'd pull a pin out of a hat she was working on and just jab in it and watch the jaw of the person next to her drop to the floor. Yeah, she was a funny lady in her early years.

post signature

5 comments:

A Paperback Writer said...

You've told me that grandma story before, and I think it's funny every time. :)

with chasing down the transvestite who may be the wanted murderer -- It just goes to show you that it can be a real toss up as to who has the weirder job: cops or teachers.
Years before you came to our school, we had a teacher whose brother was on the narcotics squad in NYC. The two brothers used to compare weird stories all the time, but they agreed that the teacher had to deal with the weirdest stuff.
True, you and I have never had to taser a cross-dressing murder suspect, but I've had cross-dressers (rather a death wish in junior high, I think), and most cops (unless they're assigned to the junior high), don't deal with people who pour ice water over your car on sub-zero January days or try to use food as a weapon.....

As for falsies, last year my 7th grade boys were more uptight than the girls about their scoliosis checks (which means having to take your shirt off in front of a nurse -- gasp!!), so, to lighten the mood, I said, "So, girls, you probably want to wear a tank top over your bra that day, and boys, you probably don't want to wear your bras that day." They all thought this was hysterically funny, and I told them I'd be highly amused if any boy did wear a bra that day. One of them did (I was told --= naturally, I didn't see it.)

And I'm going to be the English teacher here. Usually, I don't bother to correct your spelling or punctuation because I don't want to make you paranoid, but you need to change "weary" to "wary" in this post because it really affects the meaning of the sentence. I had to read it three times to figure out that you'd just stuck an extra letter in. I couldn't connect why your friend was so tired walking home with the transvestite....

Max said...

Usually I don't worry too much about spelling, it is just a blog after all. But I do appreciate it when someone points out something that changes the whole meaning of the story. Which that did. Big difference between being concerned about walking home and being tired walking home, with or without the transvestite being there.
Yeah, cops see a lot of weird things, but usually it's being done to someone else in the general public. We have the weird things happen to us.Like the 8th grader at your school that got paid $5 to pretend hump my leg in the cafeteria. Cops just get shot at.

A Paperback Writer said...

OH, I'd forgotten that incident... but that happened while I was in Scotland.
funny

jmpnmark said...

Best five bucks I ever spent...

Max said...

jmpnmark - wouldn't surprise me one bit.