Friday, June 11, 2010

Light years past “enough”

1 Energy Drinks.  It’s not enough that you can now get over 30 types of regular energy drinks (enlarge the photo and count, you’ll see).

2Then they had to go to the supercharged version.  Little bottles (@ $3.29 ea) of 5 Hour Energy Shots, in at least 7 different flavors (including decaffeinated.)  Yeah, decaf.  No problem, I’m going to pump my body full of all sorts of chemicals and so called vitamins, but I’ll be damned if I’m drinking caffeine!

3 Well, that wasn’t enough.  In the last year they came out with Energy gum.  Yup, Rockstar Energy Gum.  And, of course, it’s sugar free, because 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed said that if you’re going to (bleep) up your system with overdoses of caffeine and other chemicals, no sense getting cavities while you do it.

4 But this takes the cake.  I was cleaning the class on the ice cream display when I noticed an ad for, yes, you guessed it. A freakin’ energy ice pop.  WTF?  What’s next? Little energy candies that melt in your mouth and not in your hand? (Shhhhhhhh, let’s not give them any ideas.)

Now, I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I don’t drink energy drinks.  On Friday nights at the Chevron, after a long day at school, one of those 5 hour shots helps me stay awake for the night.  And I’ve even tried the Rockstar gum (it worked ok, but lost any semblance of good taste in just over 3.5 nanoseconds).  But seriously, energy ice cream?  Is there no common decency in corporate America anymore? (I know, I know, a total “DUH” moment).

Any way, I am dying to see what they come up with next.



A Paperback Writer said...

C'mon, Max. Somewhere out there, someone is currently doing marketing research on high-sugar, high-caffeine condoms.
Okay, don't print this one; just laugh at it. :)

Max said...

Veeerrryy Scarrrry! At least they'd be using protection...