Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Help, I need somebody, Help, not just anybody,

There is nothing more gratifying than tearing up a project you thought you had done right, but hadn’t.  (Where’s that sarcastic font?)

I spent a few hours today and yesterday ripping up the roof over my back porch.  It’s not that it wasn’t well built – a herd of elephants could have walked across it and it would have survived.  So, why rip it up you might ask.

Well, for three of the wettest springs in the history of Utah, I’ve been fighting leaks.  Bad leaks.  And I closed in the thing just so I could sit out there on my futon and listen to the rain.  And so I could unlock the back door without getting drenched, along with whatever I may be carrying. 

backporchThe whole thing started so that I would have secure access to the swamp cooler and the attic.  I built the first part as a deck, at roof level, so that if I happened to fall while working on the swamp cooler, I wouldn’t land 11 feet down on concrete.  Every time I worked on it, even simple things like winter/summerizing, I’d have one of my brothers come and keep me company, so that I’d have someone to dial 911 after I fell and broke both my arms.  The second part has two levels, to transition from the height of the original part to something low enough that it fits below the attic access.  That makes for a lot of corners that love to collect water.

So here’s the problem.  The roof needs to remain relatively level, I need to be able to walk on it and keep tools and supplies on it while I’m working.  It needs to be made so that walking on it does not deteriorate it.  The hardest part is the connection between the house and the porch, this was where I was getting the majority of the leaks.  The sides of the house are old stucco, the kind that is seriously bumpy and uneven.  It is impossible to get flashing to fit flush against the wall.

So, if you have any ideas I’d like to hear them.  The more input, the more different ideas, the better.



Jo said...

It can't be that hard to get flashing to fit flush ;)

Max said...

Frankly I got furious floundering at fitting the flashing flush.
And I hope your classes are going good. I still need to come up and annoy you sometime.

A Paperback Writer said...

I don't even know what flashing is, let alone flush flashing that fits. (I DO know what alliteration is, however.)
Is there some way you can get some kind of a quarter of a metal pipe that could serve as a gutter in the area where the porch and house connect? You could put it in on a slight angle to direct water to the sides of the porch.
Or, this is bizarre, but what if you drilled a few holes and hung a half-pipe under the roof, tilted again so that the water goes where you want it? The cathedrals of Europe sometimes had holes in the roofs to guide water to certain spots and then out gargoyles' mouths. (I think you need gargoyles. :) )

Max said...

Gargoyles? Hmmm, I've never considered gargoyles. Actrually, I think they would be pretty cool, but do they go with my southwestern theme? Do they make gecko gargoyles.
Gadzooks! A gaggle of grand gecko gargoyles guarding my garage. Groovy!
Thanks for the ideas, I still don't know what I'm going to do, but the more ideas, the more likely I'll be able to adapt parts into what will work.

A Paperback Writer said...

PS. I, naturally, love the Beatles allusion in your post title.

Max said...

How did I know you would? Every time one of my titles comes from a Beatles song, I think of you, A Paperback Writer. Not sure why...

A Paperback Writer said...

Well, this morning, before I left the house for yet another day of a dull educational seminar in Park City, I noticed what my evil neighbors had done to keep their porch roof from leaking. However, since you've already ripped your roof off now, I'm not sure it matters, but here goes anyway:
They have something that looks remarkably like linoleum that covers the inner corner of the top of the roof (where it attaches to the rest), that wraps up and around, pretty much the same way floorers used to do linoleum and wrap it partway up the wall. It's only visible from my living room window, but call me if you wanna drop over and stare out my window at it for a bit.
I'm sure it'd look great with gargoyles...

Max said...

Writer - that's not a bad idea. I must ponder this and mentally work out the details. I've still got the plywood down, just ripped off the tar paper and planks that were covering it, so this just may work...