Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Missouri Flood Survival Kit

  • Toilet Paper.......................................check

  • Bud Light...........................................check

  • Keystone Ice.....................................check

  • Budweiser..........................................check

  • Red Dog..............................................check

  • Misc. other bottles of alcohol....................check

  • Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on ......................check

And thanks to everyone who sent me these jokes & pictures, it's not like I find all these on my own.....

Float in German parade.....

Monday, April 28, 2008

Bad Joke, gotta love it.....

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl".
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation"
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I can not tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano,and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be analtar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,"What'd you get?"

"4 months vacation and five good leads".

Sunday, April 27, 2008

How to turn a weeks worth of food into 2 meals.

Make a bunch of lasagna. Put it in the oven at 400 F. Forget about it and go visit some friends. Not the smartest thing I've ever done, but not the worst either. I have to admit that after being gone for over 3 hours, I was half expecting to see the fire department out in front of my house. Fortunately, the only thing damaged was my dinner. The center was still good, got dinner out of it, and probably one more.

What next?

Sittin' here writin' the post and watchin' the news. You lock your car because you're afraid of someone stealing your stereo. You hide your valuables in the trunk or under a cover for the same reason. Well, saw on the news today that there is something people are stealing from your car that you can't lock up. The catalytic converter. The value of the metals in the converter have gone up enough that they are getting between $50 and $100 for old converters. So, these people will pull up next to a parked car and slide under it and cut off the converter. They have it happening on surveillance cameras and it took all of 5 minutes. So, they say that if you see someone working under a car in a parking lot, call the cops. Let them figure out if it really is the owner.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Could a Bush by any other name be as stupid?

  • I hope we get to the bottom of the answer. It's what I'm interested to know. - April 26, 2000
  • My job is to, like, think beyond the immediate. - April 2004
  • It's very important for folks to understand that when there's more trade, there's more commerce - April 2001
  • First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, more a treaty that I thought made sense for the county. - April 24, 2001
  • Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is until we get an objective analysis. - April 2000
  • I'. the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense - April 18, 2006
  • I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the mother in me. - April 14, 2005
  • This has been tough weeks in that country [Iraq]. - April 13, 2004

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

2/5, 40%, 4 out of 10, just a little less than half....

Yup, just got done with spring semester 2008, only have 3 more to go : summer and fall 2008 and then spring 2009. So, by this time next year I'll be done. The semester actually turned out a lot less troublesome than I had expected. I thought the Research Analysis class was going to be a bear, and it was, but I came out of it feeling like I had learned a lot, and not totally useless information. The professor was rigorous, expected a lot of us, but was fair. All in all, not a bad semester, and frankly it seemed to have gone by pretty quickly. Now I'm looking forward to my long 2 week break until summer semester starts. Yup. Oh, except that instead of a relaxing 2 weeks off, this Monday marks the start of CRT testing (end of year testing) for us. Now, normally having only one math class would mean that CRT interference would be minimal for me, except that we're doing it online this year, and as STS I'm going to be wrapped up in it all month. Ever seen a teacher when they are required to bring their entire class to the computer lab for a test they consider an imposition on their teaching time and a total nuisance, AND the testing breaks down? I'd rather draw blood and jump into a tank full of piranhas. Hopefully by the time summer semester starts we'll have all the kinks worked out.......

Monday, April 21, 2008

Saturday, April 19, 2008

From my foreign corrospondent

I had an interesting observation a few days ago concerning the FLDS group in Texas. As the reporter told of how the Texas officials were holding a hearing for the children taken from the FLDS compound, the television showed a picture of the court house - the Tom Green County Courthouse. Wasn't Tom Greene the polygimist who went on the Jerry Springer show about 10 years ago with his wives? Just a little something to make you go hmmmm.

Alex Rossi

Friday, April 18, 2008

Know your opponents.

Went to a Blaze game tonight. I don't know if you've ever heard of Ken Garff Keys to Success*, but the had a company party at the Delta Center** and invited the Principals and Faculty contacts from the participating schools to join them. Well I went with the Principal, one of our counselors and another teacher. It was an interesting experience, we got to dine in the VIP dining room, I had my picture taken with the Real Salt Lake Lion (except my Principal forgot to save the picture on her cell phone so it was lost) and then watched a quarter and a half of the game. This is not real football.

But the real point of this post was on the ride home. We're driving east on 2nd South, right in front of where the Green Parrot used to be when the car in front of us slams on the brakes and comes to a dead halt in the middle of the lane. We come to a quick halt about half an inch from their back bumper just to see some 20-something girl come walking from the bar and gets in the car. The driver of the car I was in (wasn't me) gives a couple honks on the horn to let them know that they almost lost their back bumper, we wait while Miss 20ish gets settled and then and finally takes off. At the next corner they go to turn right and we pull up to the light. We're sitting there chatting when we notice that the car is backing up, gets right next to us and Ms. 20ish driver gives us the finger. Two teachers, a counselor and a Principal. We just kind of look at her and smile. Not the reaction she wanted, so she rolls down her window and starts to argue with us. Something about picking up her friend, where'd we want her to park, on top of the other cars?, and after all it is Friday night! The Principal, who was closest to her, just calmly asks "What's that got to do with anything?" I chimed in with some comment about how it really wouldn't have killed her friend to walk the extra 20 feet to where she should have pulled over, to which Ms. Brilliant responds "Yeah, and she's in a LOT better shape than any of you!" and drives off. My point exactly. But she was gone, I never got to tell her. Although from the color of her face I'd guess she already knew that.

Moral of the story : If you're going to cop that little girl (or boy) attitude, don't do it to a car full of educators.

[*Rather than go into it here, just Google it if you are curious, ** Yeah, I know it's not the Delta Center anymore.]

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Adolescent Logic

You wear a low cut shirt to school. You draw two big eyes on your chest, looking down towards your cleavage. Right below the eyes, you write "LOOK". At this point I want to make sure it's clear that I'm talking about one of the female students at my high school, and not myself. Ok, low cut, big eyes, "LOOK" on your chest. So what do you do when one of the teenage boys actually looks? Well, if you are an adolescent you get all offended and start yelling about being sexually harassed. You demand the boy get suspended, you demand justice. Yup. Actually happened. Go figure.

Happy Birthday Dad!!

Sorry, it doesn't want to let me upload the picture right now. I'll do it as soon as I can. But happy birthday anyhoo.....
There's the picture. worth waiting for, eh?

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

And now it's sticking!

See previous post for explanation.

2008 Utah Bipolar Weather Festival

Spring is a strange time here in Utah. It comes early, it comes late and the weather is often unsettled. I've seen it go from warm to cold in a day before, but this is absurd. Yesterday I was driving around in the convertible, top down, and then even drove the motorcycle to class in the evening without a coat. The high was right around 82 F, it was somewhere around 70 F when I watched the weather at 5:45 this morning. Today? I just saw a car drive by with snow on it. Probably came down from the canyons, but my drive home was snowy enough that visibility was probably down to a half mile. (The news just said the temprature in SLC right now is right around freezing). The picture in this post was taken when I got home today, compare it to the picture right below, which was taken on Sunday, but fits for Monday too.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

It was, thank you.

Just want to thank everyone for the calls, cards, emails and other ways you wished me a happy birthday. It was a wonderful day, and if you couldn't get in touch with me it was because the bro's and their wives had me entertained all day. Thanks again....

Beware the Ides of April...

That's actually the original quote. It's a little known fact that William had a younger brother, Sven, that was a writer also. Sven wrote cookbooks, and that quote is from his best seller "Caesar Salads, 101 Variations". The quote is a warning about mid-April frosts and their effect on lettuce. William stole it for that little known play about some obscure Roman he did.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Sunny, cool, with an asshole front coming through sometime mid morning...

Was it just me, or or was the human race overly obnoxious today? Two kids in Computer Tech today kept getting up and annoying each other in class, both have less than 10% in the class and didn't think they needed to take advantage of my make-up day. Psychology class was great, after my refusal to be continually interrupted got two girls so angry they just up and left the room. After that we had a great discussion about schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder and phobias. They got a little restless the last 10 minutes of class, but that's to be expected. On the way home from school I saw two people run "right turn only" lanes because they didn't think they should have to get at the back of the line like the rest of us peons. The last straw (mainly because I came home and am currently hiding out from humanity) was at the self check-out line at Albertsons. Why is it that some people think that just because I've started running my card that it's time for them to crowd me and start pushing me away with their cart. I tell ya, sometimes I wish that little part of me that makes me behave civilized would just take a vacation and let me stop their cart and say "do you mind if I finish first?" What has happened to us that so many of us are in such a big hurry that we don't have the time to have any respect for the people around us?
Ahhh, vented. Now I can go put in a DVD and relax the rest of the evening........

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Another one bites the dust......

When my neighbor just gave me the car I couldn't beleive it. But then Old Blue came along and my vehicular focus shifted. I decided to go with a theme that didn't include an old BMW that still needed a lot of work. Actually, my "Old LTD" theme doesn't include any BMW. So there it sat in the back yard, collecting dust and rust. Until Barry, the neighbor that gave it to me in the first place, asked if I was still planning on restoring it. I told him no, that I was actually trying to get rid of it. Turns out he has a friend that is interested in it, and that he'd split whatever he got out of it with me. As of this afternoon I have one less vehicle at my house. Not that it was in the way or anything, but at least I don't have to worry about it any more. I don't know if I'll ever see the 1/2 of the proceeds, the guy who took it is going to check it out, try to get it running before he and Barry decide on a price. Hey, any extra money will be nice, but I paid nothing for it so no big loss, and I got the battery out of it for Old Blue anyway. So I stored it for the price of a battery. The good news is that even though I'm down to only 3 cars, they all are legal and run like champs. Now I got to start looking for the wagon. Or 2 door hardtop. Or old cop car. Whichever comes first.....

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Doorbells and dingbats.....

Doorbells. You probably don't think about them too much, but when it's not working it's annoying as hell. Well, my house was built almost 100 years ago, when doorbells were literally bells stuck to the side of the house, and until a week ago, nobody had bothered to install an electrical one. Not real easy to do in a house made with stucco and lathe & plaster. Wiring would be a nightmare. So, why do wiring when they make wireless doorbells now? $40 for one with two wireless door buttons. They work great, and my house has now entered the 20th century. Some day I might even get air conditioning.......

Redneck Tank Top

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Happy Anniversary

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my L'Adunata blog. Yeah, the website, srossi.net, has been around for 5 or 6 years now, but I didn't start blogging until April 8th of 2007. That makes it 1 year and 290 posts later. A little less than 1 post a day. Anyway, thanks for dropping by every now and again, and hope to continue seeing your comments. Just for the hell of it, here's my original post....
The blog is named L'Adunata, I'm signing my posts Max and I chose the 8th of April to debut it. Got the connection?Well, I'm trying something new. Both Amy and Lisa (the friend) have their own blogs on here, so I decided to join the group. The great thing about the blog, as opposed to my site alone, is that the blog has an interactive component. You can respond to anything I post, and unless it's really bad and I nix it everyone who gets on here will be able to read it.So, I hope you'll enjoy it, respond to things and put your own mark on this site.Thanks and have a great Easter......

No, I won't be re posting it every year, just this once.

Monday, April 07, 2008

More on funny colored cars.....

Got another one; the Mini. It looks fine in any color because, let's face it, they already look like they were stolen off a ride at an amusement park....

Keep your hands in the car, have fun and thank you for coming to Lagoon.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Maybe I'm not always right?

I saw a bright yellow Mustang on my walk today and thought "That's just wrong." So I took a picture of it for the blog and was all prepared to slam on the bright yellow Mustang. I even went online and got a the pictures of the Vega (never should have been orange ones) and the VW Bugs. The argument was going to be that the only car that ever looked good in off colors was the VW Bug, which frankly, (not Frankie) looks good in any color. Pink Cadillacs, Mary Kay, but they work, especially because of the song. Orange Cadillacs? Uh, no! Saw a Pepto pink Toyota Celica. There's a reason nobody made that song. How about a candy apple red H3? Bad example, they suck in any color. My point is that I see a lot of cars that are painted colors that just never should have happened. And I was going to rant and rave about the bright yellow Mustang. Until I saw my picture of it. Didn't look so bad anymore. Ahhh, maybe it was just my awsome photography, so I Googled "Yellow Mustang". Go ahead and do it, click on the little "Images" tab up top first. You'll get somewhere around 149,000 hits. And they all looked pretty damn good. But I still stand by my comment about the pink Celica, the orange Cadillac and the H3 (and H2 by proxy). Even I can't be right 100% of the time.......

Happy Birthday Sydney!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

It was an April Fools joke!

Yeah, it was fun. But it's over and time to 'fess up to it. That post below us, down there, yeah there, was all just a practical joke. April 1st, April Fools day. Actually, it's the ethnocentric egotists that made fun of the people celebrating New Year's on April 1st that are the real fools. I mean, there's no real physical aspect of the earth's orbit that makes January 1st a better beginning to the year than April 1st. Or April 13th for that matter. Like they do in Thailand, along with some pretty big water showers. Anyway, it's kind of the 2000/2001 new millennium argument. All these changes in time are arbitrary measures imposed by human beings, and one does not have any more validity than any other. A year, one full orbit around the sun, is in fact 365.25 earth rotations long. A millennium consists of 1000 of these orbits. But at which point does one orbit end and the next begin? Doesn't matter to anyone other than us human beings. And some of us just have a hard time accepting that our choice of orbital point is really no superior to any other point on the orbit. So, I'm choosing to celebrate the new year on April 13th, the Ides of April, with the Thai people, which ironically is also my birthday....

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

She's my little shmoo shmoo.....

Big Announcement!

And you all thought it would never happen!

Funny stuff from the brothers and other emails.

Three Thoughts to Ponder
  1. Cows
  2. The Constitution
  3. The Ten Commandments
  • Cows - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that, wheninvestigating Mad Cow disease, our government can track a single cowborn in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where shesleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to theirstalls. But they are unable to locate the 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
  • The Constitution - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
  • The Ten Commandments - The real reason that we can't have the TenCommandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.


Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950's:
  1. Teaching Math In 1950's, A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?
  2. Teaching Math In 1960's, A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100 His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
  3. Teaching Math In 1970's, A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
  4. Teaching Math In 1980's, A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
  5. Teaching Math In 1990's, A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )

What celebrities would look like if they lived in Ohio....click HERE.

Gotta run, class in a few minutes........