Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
The good part is that after the meeting we headed up to Washington Park, had a digital photo contest, ate a bunch of good BBQ and gave away a bunch of prizes. I kept vying for the inflatable kayak (How do you clear out a Starbucks? Walk in and announce that there is someone out in the parking lot stealing the kayak off a Subaru). Somebody else chose the kayak, and I didn't win anything anyways, but one of the head IT guys, (that I'm good friends with, or was) made a comment (to just me) about my affinity for inflatables. Those of you who get what he is implying, are right. Those of you who don't - ask me some time in person, I'll explain. My first thought was "man, techno-geek and dirty humor are not mutually exclusive. Cool". Anyway, it was a lot of fun, I got a techno-geek shirt and they still want me around next year. Not a bad day at all.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
God looks out for idiots and drunks.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
And now onto something lighter. I got my grades back from the last semester. I got an A in Research Analysis and an A- in Instructional Technology. I probably would have an A in Technology if I had ever involved myself in the online discussions. Yeah, go figure. I've been blogging since before 2002, but I can't get myself to delve into online discussions. Eh, c'est la vie. Gotta go now, going to dinner at La Caille and my ride's going to be here soon. (No, I don't have that kind of money, it's a school etiquette thing and it's only costing me $28. Tip included.)
*Facts have yet to be confirmed, and I'm not even going to bother. I don't need to argue the truthfulness of the statements, propaganda need not be lies. It just needs to be worded and compared with other facts in a manner that puts forth a specific agenda. For all I know, it's all true. It's what's left out that makes the comparisons invalid.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? Because electricity is moving electrons, if you push the button hard enough, you just might get a couple extra electrons moving.
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? So they can put you further into debt, tack it onto your credit card bill and charge you 21%
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? You can reach the wet paint, not the stars
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? It sticks to the bottle, just not to itself
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? We don’t want to kill innocent bacteria by accident
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? You’ve seen him stick his face in a lions mouth – that’s what he’s doing, getting a shave
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? He doesn’t want to dent the revolver
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? So they hurt more when they land on top of their enemies
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? English was invented by a sadist, that’s why there are 3 ways to spell “to”.
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Some apes were too smart to evolve
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? The water sucks the color out of the bubbles
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? October 17th, 1356, but it only lasted between 1:25 and 2:06 pm.
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? The average memory span of an American is about 3.2 miliseconds. We just simply forget that there’s nothing we like in there.
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? We don’t want to hurt the self-esteem of the vacuum cleaner by doing it’s work for it.
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? The same guys that came up with the English language invented plastic bags.
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? They get in as babies and then can’t get out when they’re full grown.
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you idiot?' Punching the idiot in the face will just land us in jail
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? Murphy’s Law.
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? No kidding. That’s why I run the furnace at 68 in the summer and the air conditioner at 72 in the winter.
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? Mother-in-laws wouldn’t stand for it.
And my FAVORITE......The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you. I've done my job and sent this email to you , now it's up to you to send it on. After reading my responses, you should now know who the crazy one is…..
On the other hand, there are times when the people around you make things even harder for you. This time it was at the Pie by the U, I'm with my little brother Danny when a lady calls out my name. Now, working with customers for so long, I'd become pretty good at carrying on a conversation with someone to which I have no clue who they are. We'd been talking for a couple minutes, the whole time I'm fishing for clues to who she is, when Danny looks at me and asks "Well, aren't you going to introduce us?" **CHOKE** Fortunately she put out her hand and introduced herself. Just as my blood pressure is getting back down towards normal, he looks at me again and asks "So, where do you know her from?". This time I wanted to choke him. He could have asked HER where SHE knew ME from, it should have been pretty obvious I was clueless by then (don't say it), but noooooooo. I think he did it on purpose.
As I was headed to Home Depot today I saw a woman on the side of the road with a sign that said "Single Mother Having Hard Time, Please Help". I don't know if she had any kids or if it was all BS, because there weren't any kids with her. Which, giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she's not a total con artist, brings to mind the question "Where are the kids?" If you can find, and afford, someone to babysit your kids, couldn't you find someone to watch them while you, oh, say, got a real job?
Monday, May 05, 2008
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.'
'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd.... Did the Sheriff come?'
'Did they chop your firewood?'
'Happy Birthday, buddy!'
(Rednecks know how to git-R-dun).
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Chris Buttars just got voted in as the Republican candidate for Utah Senate District 10 [South Jordan, West Jordan and Herriman]. 112 delegates voted for him, that's 60%. I think that even is enough to bypass a republican primary, but I could be wrong. This is a man who not only opposes any kind of equal rights for anyone different from himself, but also has initiated legislation that directly helps his developer friend, has sent a letter to a judge that was overseeing a case involving this same friend, insinuating the way he thought the case ought to be overseen, accept countless gifts from lobbyists and opposed any kind of ethics legislation, on the grounds that it is unnecessary. Oh, did I mention that he is in the back pocket of Gayle (shiver down my spine) Ruzicka and her Eagle Forum (formerly known as the "Citizens for True Freedom"). In my opinion, he is one of the most corrupt politicians in a group of incredibly corrupt politicians. And I mean corrupt even for politicians (let's face it, they all are, somewhat).
Ok, enough ranting, let the blood pressure drop again. I'm fine, gone to my happy place. I've got to work on that, I've been a little bit stressed lately. High School is wrapping up and I am again on the graduation committee; I've got to organize the printing of the programs and the renting of the stage (we have it outside on the football field, weather permitting.) CRT testing, online, has been going incredibly smoothly, but there is always the worry about the #&^$ hitting the fan. College starts up again in a week, and I don't know if my scholarship covers summer semester, so I've been hoarding money in case I have to cough up the $1,500 (plus books). I do have it, but money is a little tight right now. I lost it in Algebra class the other day, not too bad but afterwards the principal simply said "it's just not like you". Which is good to know that people don't see me as someone who generally overreacts. But the same thing happened when a certain appliance didn't want to work properly. No, I'm not going to have a nervous breakdown, so don't worry. You won't be visiting me on 5 West at the U of U Medical Center; in a week the tuition question will be answered one way or another, either way knowing will relieve some stress (I get more stressed when I have money I can't spend than if the money isn't even there). Doris, the English teacher next door, is helping me keep the classroom stress down - just being there to listen to me vent helps a lot, plus the break from the stressors venting gives me. Anyhoo, it's 6:20 and I have to go do something else that relieves stress - hang out with Adele, my friend from the Churchill Jr. days....