Life lesson #1654-53A
Do not email someone out of the blue a decade after the last time you talked to them, call them spineless, wimp, gutless, question their sexuality, refer to them and an old friend of theirs as “a couple of old queers”, tell them their family hates them and generally berate them for something that happened over a decade ago, and then claim you harbor them no resentment.
I brought payroll down to the pizza place I’ve been involved with since right out of high school. The owner, a friend of mine
for over 20 years, told me of some contact he just had with a couple we all knew that he had fired from the business back in 1999. I read the correspondence back and forth between them and walked out of the office with my mind reeling. I won’t go into details, that’s not what this post is for, I just need to purge my brain. I will say that I came out in a state of mind where I started giving this grown man advice like
he was one of my 8th graders. He didn’t need it, it was apparent from his last response that he knows the best thing to do is not even acknowledge it any further, but I had already slipped into teacher mode.
I call them toxic people. I’ve been dealing with a few since the beginning of this school year, and sincerely hope that I will let go of any resentment as soon as I’m out of the situation. It was the same at the first school I taught at, which is one of the reasons I left. Almost always negative, harping on things they cannot change, or changes their job requires them to make. Every new idea that comes down the pike is “just another fad that will fade away when the next one comes along.” Granted, especially in Education, there are tons of things that come down the pike that simply fade away, some because they were tried and failed, some because they never should have been tried. But I’ve seen these people not only refuse to look into the new ideas, but fight even the ones the majority of the faculty have looked at and find interesting and promising. 
I’ve worked in 3 schools where these people were the almost non-existent, silent minority. Now, I’ve worked in 2 schools where they weren’t all that silent and, although still a minority, not-so-much non-existent. Here’s to 59 more days of school, and blue skies in the future.
5 comments:
So, if I tell DP to read this post, will she be able to guess to whom you are referring? (nudge, nudge, wink wink) :)
One of them, at least :)
From Anonymous (I edited out names and places for the sake of anonymity):
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Maybe you should find out what really happened before just taking his word on what happened. It is possible to be upset and not be consumed with something for many, many years. I think most everyone has something that sticks in their craw from long ago. Perhaps my methods weren't adult. But, you know [pizza guy] simply is a bad businessman and a very weak man. And, his responses to me simply confirm this. At least I am real in my emotions and not hiding behind a [pizza place] facade and an inflated ego.
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Anonymous:
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First of all I must say that I am surprised, and a little honored, that you even read my blog. I really thought that I had a readership that consisted of just 3 good friends and my family. Good to know that there may be more people out there seeing what I’m writing.
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I do want to point out that in my post I made no judgments about what happened over a decade ago, my comments all referred to the current exchanges. I was not there and, as you said, I do not know the details of what went on. In the post I never said he was right in firing you, I never even said you have no right to still feel resentment towards him. I also didn’t say that you came across as being consumed with what happened for all these years.
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What I did say was that all the unprovoked name-calling and irrelevant personal attacks come across as hostility, and that they don’t belong in the same messages as the claim that there is no resentment over what happened. You even agree in your comment that it wasn’t the most adult thing to do, and that’s basically my point. I personally don’t agree with your last comments about him, but that’s neither here nor there. I doubt we’re going to change each other’s opinions on that.
Yes, you are right that I was incorrect in stating that I was not "bitter." What I did not say was that I did try to communicate with him not long after my firing, and, I was confronted with disregard and hang-ups. Furthermore, this person repeatedly refuses to deal with the issues brought up, somewhat regrettably embedded, in my caustic correspondences. While my methods are obviously over-the-top and meant to provoke; I do believe and have examples of the ideas and judgments I posited with him. By the way, my wife was not fired but instead quit--a minor point but important nonetheless. I carry no ill will toward any of the group at the pizza establishment we both worked for and, I do not believe myself to be a toxic person. I still have many friends from long ago. This criticism was strictly between this person and myself. I will try to keep reading your blog.
Good luck and best wishes...D
I do concede that the toxic person comment was not fair, it was more in reference to the tone of the messages, and should't have been directed at someone I haven't had contact with for over a decade. To be honest, it was more for the sake of transition to the comments about some of the people I now work with, whom I know to be toxic, at least in the workplace. I still think your comments are not accurate, but I do apologize for referring to you that way.
Good luck and best wishes to you and your wife too.
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