Not really.

Nope, we’re still feeling the impact of your economic policies.

Saige

Found this from a friend on Facebook…

… …and just had to put it here.  I went to urbanDictionary, entered my name in the “look up”field and this is what I got:

1. Steve

A thong that is visible above the trouser line of a girl. A useful word when spotting a thong or pointing one out without the girl knowing.

"Wow look at that steve over there!"

2. Steve

Steve (short for Steven/Stephen) is a name associated with power and awesomeness.
An Australian male with the name Steve should be praised constantly.
Historians have noted that the name derives from a line of kings, sports stars and top blokes.
It has been noted that philosophers in the mould of Nostradamus and Albert Einstein have stated that the name Steve should be put away because it would be difficult for any young male to have such a burden placed on their shoulders.
However this theory was rebuked by the AOS (Association of Steve's) who correctly suggested that once a child is named Steve they can automatically take upon such a mantle, as with the name they are the recipient of much greatness, authority and laid-backednesss.
Parents who embed their children with this hallowed name shall receive an all round champ of a son for their knowledgeable choice.

My name is Steve
All hail Steve, the almighty

3. Steve

A Visable thong on a woman above her jeans/shorts

"dude, check out the steve on that girl"

4. Steve

The coolest and sometimes most hairy. All the girls want him, much more than a Jesse.

That guy is such a Steve. If he was a stoner, he would be a Jesse.

5. Steve

The most cutest, sweetest guy you will ever meet. He is also very honest, and smart. The sun of your day, and the moon of your night. Just being around him makes you forget all your troubles of the day, as he replaces it with his sweet charm. No matter what, you can always rely on him, with whatever problems it may be, or even if it's just to warm up your day.

"steve in the best person you will ever meet."

6. Steve

In British culture: a working class man whose life revolves around beer, gambling, football, objectifying and degrading woman. Mainly builders, but also make up a large portion of the men in other working class/manual jobs.

7. Steve

Used to describe pot when you don't want people to know what you are talking about / when your parents are around.

Hey man.. Did you talk to Steve tonight?
Are we picking up steve?
Sure, I hang with steve.

… As I read through these definitions I first thought “Wow, I’m one cool guy.”  Then my ego deflated a little bit and I started to think “Where the hell do these definitions come from?”  So I went back online and checked it out.

… Touted as “A cultish compendium of old-school and fresh-from-the-street slang.”, it turns out it’s one of these wiki-things – where everyone and their dog’s uncle can get on and type in whatever they want.  Unlike Wikipedia, which I generally trust, we don’t have people fixing each other’s errors, just adding on new, and more colorful, definitions.

… So, take it for what it is, but I still found it kind of amusing.

Endured it for 30 years…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

… And just for the record, Ford is the only American auto company that didn’t just file bankruptcy and beg the Feds for money.

Seriously, my friends.

… I was reading the PARADE section of my Salt Lake Tribune this morning and one of the articles was talking about Super Bowl Myths.  One of the myths was “MYTH #6 The outcome of the Super Bowl predicts the stock market’s performance for the coming year.”  They say that if a team from the old National Football League wins, the markets go up.  If the winner is from the old American Football League, the markets go down. 

… As hard as it may be to believe, there is a correlation.  According to some investment guy from Florida,  this myth holds true for 36 of the 43 Super Bowls so far (not including this year).  That’s a correlation of .79, or 79% of the time it’s right.

… The question is why?  Just because there is a correlation, doesn’t mean there is a link between the two.  For example, in one of my statistics classes the professor pointed out  that the correlation between cigarette smoking and lung cancer was the same as the migration of storks to some area in the Netherlands (I can’t remember the area she mentioned) and a spike in the birth rate there.

… Causality?  Probably not.  But it still is amusing.

Avatar

… I went and saw the movie Avatar tonight.  Since everything I heard said to see the 3D version, that’s what I did.  AMAZING.  That’s what it was.  Yeah, it’s your basic 1950’s Western taking place on another planet.  White man wants what’s on the native’s land and will do anything to get it, including wiping out the entire race.  Lot’s of mystical, one with the planet, tame or kill the savage stuff.  Except in science-fiction mode.  And the natives kick ass on the “man”.  I don’t know if I would have come away with the WOW feeling if I’d seen it in 2D, but the action, the scenery and everything jumping out at ya was great.  I completely zoned out everything around me and couldn’t believe it was already 11:00 when I got out of the movie, which for me means it was a great one. So, if you haven’t seen it yet, I give it a two thumbs up and strongly suggest you see it in 3D.

Animal Rights Activist named “Veal”

… Ok, so it’s spelled Viehl, but it’s still pronounced like the meat that comes from baby bovine, a favorite target of animal rights groups.  22 year old William Viehl was just sentenced to 2 years in prison for letting hundreds of South Jordan minks free from their pens at a mink farm.  I just laughed as I heard his name said several times during the newscast.

… I also laughed at this video I found on YouTube.  As an avid fan of Calvin and Hobbs, I just couldn’t resist posting it here.

Another one of these “learn about me” emails.

… I like these emails, they are kind of fun for me to fill out.  But I also, in general, dislike chain emails. So, in a fine win-win situation, I answered to the people who sent me theirs and then I’ll post the answers here. If you feel like answering the questions, you can copy and paste it into a word program, answer them for yourself and then post them here or on your own blog.  Or, just ignore the whole thing.

FOODOLOGY

· What is your salad dressing of choice? Blue Cheese

· What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Blue Plate Diner

· What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Crown Burger

· What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? T-Bone

· What are your pizza toppings of choice?  Ham, mushrooms

DOESN’T FIT IN FOODOLOGY SO MOVED IT TO - OTHEROLOGY

· *How many televisions are in your house? 4

· *What color cell phone do you have?  It rings, who cares what color it is.

BIOLOGY:

· Are you right-handed or left-handed? Left

· Have you ever had anything removed from your body?  Nope

· What is the last heavy item you lifted? Refrigerator

· Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Not that I know of

· Have you ever fainted? Nope

BULLCRAPOLOGY:

· If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Nope

· If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I’d change my last name to Schiavina, my grandfather’s last name.

· How many pairs of flip-flops do you own? None

· Last person you talked to? One of my coworkers.

FAVORITOLOGY:

· Season? Spring

· Holiday? 4^th of July

· Day of the week? Saturday, the only day I don’t work either job.

· Month? June. I’m a teacher

· Color? Blue or green

· Drink? Winter: hot buttered rum. Summer: Margarita.

CURRENTOLOGY:

· Missing someone? Yes, there are several people who have been in my life and left that I miss, who and how much is situational – different events make me miss different people at the time.

· What are you listening to? Judge Judy

· Watching? Nothing, the TV is behind me.

· Worrying about? Job related stuff.

· What's the last movie you saw in the theater? Sherlock Holmes.

· Do You Smile often? Yes, as often as possible

· If you could change your eye color what would it be? Nah.

· What's on your wish list for your birthday? I am sure it's something with wheels, nothing anybody should get me. <- Ditto for me.

· Can you do push-ups? Yep, one.

· Can you do a chin up? Almost one.

· Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Nervous right now, usually excited

· Have you been in a Car wreck? Yes, I had two cars in one wreck once

· Have you caused a Car wreck? Not since I was a teenager

· Do you have an accent? Yes, with a few words

· Last time you cried? Honestly can’t remember, but it hasn’t been that long.

· Plans tonight? Meeting with friends up at the “U” tonight.

· Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? My first year teaching.

· Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Ground beef, jalapenos and onions.

· Met someone who changed your life?  When?  How many? People have been changing my life throughout my 50 years.

· For the better or worse? Mostly for the better, but even if it’s not for the better, I have learned from them.

· How did you bring in the New Year? Friends. Didn’t drink a whole lot, but had a few, screamed and yelled out on 13^th East at midnight the had another drink and went home.

· Name three people who might complete this? I hate this question, it’s only here to guilt three people into responding.

· Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Depends on conditions. To live my life over again? I don’t know. To see historical things and then come back, definitely.

· Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? No.

· What songs do you sing in the shower? None

· Have you held hands with someone today? Nope.

· Who was the last person you took a picture of? Co workers at the Jazz game.

· Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Both. It would also depend on how you define “old”.  I have been making friends all my life, and still am in contact with friends I made 3 years ago, 5 years ago, 7 years ago, 17 years ago and 30 years ago.

· Do you like pulpy orange juice? Yes.

· What is something your friends make fun of you for? Eating fast or being loud, take your pick <- ditto again

· What were you doing 12 AM last night? Sleeping.

· What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Oh, $*@#, it’s 5 am again.

Didn’t know chickens had them…

New vinyl on the latest LTD

… Now, instead of looking like a junker, it looks like a junker on it’s way to being restored.

For want of an eye patch…

… I know it’s supposed to be a parrot, but can I still qualify as a pirate with a pigeon on my shoulder?

… A customer came into the Chevron this evening and asked if we had any  crackers.  He told us of an incredibly friendly pigeon that was out in front of the store, how he had it standing on his shoulder.  So I grab my camera to go out and get a picture of him with the pigeon on his shoulder, and the thing flies over onto my shoulder.  I laughed, he laughed and then  took a couple pictures of us with my camera.  Fun’s over, put the pigeon on the ground and I head back into the store.

… Yeah, I thought the fun was over.  Just barely through the door, before it can close behind me, the bird flies into the store and lands on my shoulder again.  I walk it outside, over to the bushes by the air hose and put  it on the ground there.  It follows me back to the store, comes in again, flies a little bit around the store and lands on the shoulder of the other guy working there.  He (the worker, not the bird) didn’t like that too much, so I go over, get the bird back again, grab a hot dog bun and walk out again.  This time I go farther,  to the other side of the parking lot, leave a bunch of bread crumbs on the ground and drop the bird there.  It wasn’t very hungry, because it followed me back to the store again.

… Ok, one more time.  I walk it down next to the building next door, leave it on the ground with more bread, and this time I try to trick it by going the wrong way, around this P.O.D.S.*  thing in the parking lot.  I kid you not, the thing flew right next to me all the way back to the store.  Every time it would come in the store and start flying around, landing various places, until a customer came in and I’d get it on my shoulder.  It would stay on my shoulder rather than fly around, and I thought that was better than having it getting friendly  with (as in freaking out)customers.

… At this point I realized it wasn’t going away easily.  So, rather than  having it flying around freaking out customers, I left it on my shoulder and called Animal Control.  I got about the same reaction as when I called them a few years ago to tell them I had a peacock in my back yard. “What?”, “You’re kidding.”, “A pigeon?” and “Never heard that one before.”  I think they finally decided that it would be fun to arrest that bozo claiming to be the Pigeon Whisperer for filing a false report, because they agreed to send someone out.

… I thought it would be only a few minutes, figured there couldn’t be that many animal emergencies on a Friday night, so I actually helped customers with the bird on my shoulder.  Now that was funny, some of the reactions were hilarious, and fortunately nobody got freaked out by it.  But after waiting about a half an hour I kind of got tired of it walking back and forth across by shoulders, and it finally dawned on me I could lock the bird in the back room.

… Animal Control showed up about another half hour later, laughed when I showed her the bird and it climbed right up onto my shoulder.  When she left to bring it down to the shelter to let it free there, she said “and hopefully it won’t find it’s way back here.”

… Oh, and yes, it did soil my shirt.

 

 

*P.O.D.S.  - Personal On Demand Storage, those one-car garage sized storage units they haul over and dump on your property while you’re remodeling or moving or whatever.

If Benny Hill had ever done a chase scene with a Scion…

this would have been it.  Love how they sped up the video to give it that real Benny Hill feel.  The last minute or so, after they surround it, isn’t all that funny, but the first minute-20 is hilarious. Especially if you remember the Benny Hill Show.

Stuff you find when you stay home sick…

Kids can be cruel. And funny.

The science teacher showed me this little tidbit on a note she intercepted:

“If I was ugly I wouldn’t want to go to school!”

“Then why are you here today?”

And this was left in the login box when I had the class in the computer lab the other day:

 

Perks of the Job.

… Just got back from the Jazz game. Don’t go that often, but tonight was Chevron employee night.  Peterson Oil (our  Chevron’s parent company) has a suite in the Delta Center* and they invited half of the crew from each of their stores to join them in their suite.  The other half gets to go next month.

… It was a blast.  Not that the game was that exciting, they played the New Jersey Nets, who have, now, lost 39 out of 41 games.  There were a couple of really cool plays I got to see though, one where Boozer stole the ball from the Nets while he was sitting on the floor.  Most of the fun was hanging out with the people I work with, and being in the suite.  We had a great view, at the table where  I ate I could watch the game on the floor, on the jumbo-tron and on TV.  Sensory overload.  The food, which was not standard basketball arena fare, was not only good but also supplied by Peterson Oil, as was the open bar.  Which is why it was a good thing I got a ride down there with an employee who doesn’t drink.

… But other than a few minutes here and there of watching the game, most during the last quarter, I got the chance to sit around and b.s. with the people I work with and work for.  All in all, an excellent way to spend a Saturday night. 

 

 

*I still don’t think of it as the Energy Solutions Arena.

Why dogs bite people, or

… more stuff I stole from an email someone sent me…

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But I’m much better now…

… Got home from school Tuesday night and was in bed by 5:30.  Had a small case of the stomach flu or something.  No fever, but all my joints ached and was having gastro-intestinal issues.  About 1:30 in the morning I knew I wasn’t going to school Wednesday, so I called our district’s automated call-in-sick number.  Now how many of you think I was done at this point.  Ok, you, with your hand up, obviously you’re not a teacher.  If you were, you’d know that I still had to get up at 6, drag my carcass into school and get lesson plans ready for the day.  By 7:30 I was home in bed again and, other than bathroom runs, didn’t get out of bed until 5:30 am on Thursday.  Wednesday?  Did it really exist?  Not for me, but that’s ok, I’m back to (ahem) normal.