Allergic to Jazz games.

… I’ve been to more Jazz games this year than all other years combined. I went to one again on Wednesday, because someone from Chevron cancelled and the manager asked me if I wanted to go.  So I did.  It was a good game, against the South Carolina Bobcats, the lead bouncing back and forth until the Jazz won at the end. 

… All great, except that, like last time, I ended up out sick for a couple days right after.  And this time all I drank was diet Coke, so we can’t blame it on the “bottle flu” (last time can’t be blamed on it either).  So, I must be allergic to Jazz games, either that or the name “Energy Solutions Arena” literally makes me sick.

… I woke up feeling terrible, figured I’d suffer through the Algebra Academy I had to go to in the morning, and then take the afternoon off, go home, sleep and be better by Friday.  Thanks to the way this Academy was scheduled, I couldn’t call in sick for the afternoon (Subfinder kept telling me I had a conflict), so I had to go out to the school and work things out from there.  I was home, in bed, by noon and slept until the alarm went off at 5:00 in the morning.

… Not feeling any better, I called in sick and, like most teachers know, had to drag myself out of bed, drive down to school to prepare for the substitute.  Now, I’ve worked at schools with incredibly agreeable secretaries.  The last three I’ve been at (before this one) I’ve been able to fax or email worksheets to them, with instructions for the sub, and they gladly made the correct number of copies in time for my first class.  I was going to talk to our secretary about that when I brought in my plans for Friday, but decided not to bother after just getting her to make copies for the day (as many of you know, we mere teachers are not allowed to use the big Xerox machine, she is the only one allowed to use it  I’ve even had to keep lookout for the Vice Principal when he needed copies and she was out of the office).

It’s 7:00 am on a B day, I have 1st prep, so students don’t show up until 9:00.

Me: “I’m going to be out sick again today, can you copy these for the substitute?”

Her, looking at the packet:  “150 copies, six pages, that’s a lot of copies.”

Me, thinking 3 classes, 40+ kids per class, with a few extra for mistakes:  “Yeah, I know, but they need ‘em.”

Her: “What about your emergency lesson plans?”

Me, not meaning to, but getting a good laugh from the other secretary:  “Those are for when I’m in a coma.”

Her:  “That’s going to take a lot of time, I’ll try to get them done.”

Me, thinking ‘you go in there, put the six pages on the machine, hit 2 sided, hit collated, hit staple, hit 150, hit start, and then walk away.  I’ve done it before, it isn’t going to take 2 hours’: “Thanks”

… Silly me, wanting something relevant to what we are studying for the students to do instead of the emergency lesson plans I put together at the beginning of the year.  Next time I’ll keep my priorities in the right place, I’ll just stop by Kinko’s and do it myself.

Mosh pits and abbreviations.

… Last Friday we had a dance, to top off the school drive to collect money to help one of our school officers pay for his medical bills (he’s been fighting cancer for 7 years).  Of course, all you teachers know that we spend a lot of time breaking up mosh pits (slam dancing, getting in a big circle and pushing each other around) at these dances.  Well, now one of our students knows why.  The science teacher, who was on her way to break it up, told the whole story, gory sound effects and all.  The student came to class Monday with a cast over half his body (I exaggerate) and told me that he had a note from the office that I was supposed to be tolerant of his bad writing.  No duh.  He also brought his X-Ray, which he let me scan.  The best part of the X-Ray is halfway down the left side, where it says “PAIN”.  Yeah, look at that break, must be painful.

… Today we were making graphs, and one kid raises his hand and tells me (seriously, not a joke) “I can’t fit this on my graph, how do you shorten GPS?”  I thought “how do you abbreviate GPS” would have sounded funnier, but then no one would have believed he was serious.

… Yup, I’m so looking forward to when this generation is running the world.

Patrick

Lego Simpsons

Hypocrisy at it’s best.

… Our beloved legislature is messing with state employee’s retirements this year.  I may end up having to work and extra 2 years before I can retire, newer employees could end up working up to 5 extra years.  They are also getting rid of the so called double-dipping, where a state employee gets to retire, collect retirement and then hire back on and get a paycheck too.  Personally, I’m against all these changes, after all, they will effect me in a negative way.  But what really annoys me, even makes me mad, is that these bastions of the public good are going to exempt themselves from this double-dipping ban.

… Yup.  It may be unethical for teachers, policemen and firemen to draw a pension and a paycheck, but for some reason it’s all a-ok for legislators to keep this benefit.

… Hey, dumbasses, if the financial situation is so bad that you have to take away this benefit that I’ve been promised for 17 years, why isn’t it bad enough for you to lose it too?  Is your job that much more hazardous than mine?  Or a police officer or fireman for that matter?  Is your job that much more important to society than ours?  Or are you going to use that same old lame-ass excuse that since there aren’t as many legislators as teachers, policemen and firemen that you can keep it without much cost to the budget? 

… What about the cost to your integrity?  What about the cost to fair play?

… And what the hell is with you guys passing 3 or 4 “message bills” that are going to cost the state millions to defend when you’ve been told they most likely are unconstitutional anyway?  In a year when everyone (except you folks) are losing all kinds of benefits and my class sizes are going to be somewhere around 45?  Whoever said this first was right – in the last 20 years the Utah State Legislature has gone from clueless to dangerous.

Todd

Hooter’s Calendar.

For those of you interested, I have the 2010 Hooter’s Calendar in PDF format.  Just click here if you are interested in printing it off.

Danny

As Martha Stewart would put it*…

… “… Meth – and that’s NOT a good thing.”  Guy comes in to buy a pack of smokes for his girlfriend.  They’re regulars, so we know he’s not buying for a minor, but he obviously doesn’t buy them too often for her.  I ring them up, tell him how much they are and, not yelling at me but just in shock, he says loudly “Holy F… S…, Six forty?  Holy F… Mother of…” and you can see where it goes from there.  I offer to take them back and refund his money, but he just goes on, all the while walking towards the door.  “Holy blah, blah, blah, what, do these have Meth in them?”  Quite annoying, but it never felt threatening.  He’s pretty much out the door by now, so I just say “Have a good one” and then the guy I was working with and I have a good laugh about it.  He said I sounded just like the customer when I did my impression.

… Which  brings me back to “Have a good one.”  It’s one of the things I say at the end of a transaction, to break up the monotony of always saying “Have a good evening.”  But, like happened tonight, it always sounds a little creepy when I say it to some teens who come in to buy condoms.

 

 

* I really can’t say what Martha Stewart would say, after all I don’t know her personally.  This is to be taken as what I would imagine she would say, and not in any way construed as me putting words in Martha Stewart’s mouth.  Just wanted to make that clear.  So, call off your lawyers, Martha.

My new blog.

… I grew up on family stories.  Heard them over and over again, and as a kid I started to think “this one again?”, even though they still made me laugh. Now, I love to tell them, they’re making me laugh all over again.  So, click on the banner above if you want to check them out.  Hope you enjoy them.

Not really.

Nope, we’re still feeling the impact of your economic policies.

Saige

Found this from a friend on Facebook…

… …and just had to put it here.  I went to urbanDictionary, entered my name in the “look up”field and this is what I got:

1. Steve

A thong that is visible above the trouser line of a girl. A useful word when spotting a thong or pointing one out without the girl knowing.

"Wow look at that steve over there!"

2. Steve

Steve (short for Steven/Stephen) is a name associated with power and awesomeness.
An Australian male with the name Steve should be praised constantly.
Historians have noted that the name derives from a line of kings, sports stars and top blokes.
It has been noted that philosophers in the mould of Nostradamus and Albert Einstein have stated that the name Steve should be put away because it would be difficult for any young male to have such a burden placed on their shoulders.
However this theory was rebuked by the AOS (Association of Steve's) who correctly suggested that once a child is named Steve they can automatically take upon such a mantle, as with the name they are the recipient of much greatness, authority and laid-backednesss.
Parents who embed their children with this hallowed name shall receive an all round champ of a son for their knowledgeable choice.

My name is Steve
All hail Steve, the almighty

3. Steve

A Visable thong on a woman above her jeans/shorts

"dude, check out the steve on that girl"

4. Steve

The coolest and sometimes most hairy. All the girls want him, much more than a Jesse.

That guy is such a Steve. If he was a stoner, he would be a Jesse.

5. Steve

The most cutest, sweetest guy you will ever meet. He is also very honest, and smart. The sun of your day, and the moon of your night. Just being around him makes you forget all your troubles of the day, as he replaces it with his sweet charm. No matter what, you can always rely on him, with whatever problems it may be, or even if it's just to warm up your day.

"steve in the best person you will ever meet."

6. Steve

In British culture: a working class man whose life revolves around beer, gambling, football, objectifying and degrading woman. Mainly builders, but also make up a large portion of the men in other working class/manual jobs.

7. Steve

Used to describe pot when you don't want people to know what you are talking about / when your parents are around.

Hey man.. Did you talk to Steve tonight?
Are we picking up steve?
Sure, I hang with steve.

… As I read through these definitions I first thought “Wow, I’m one cool guy.”  Then my ego deflated a little bit and I started to think “Where the hell do these definitions come from?”  So I went back online and checked it out.

… Touted as “A cultish compendium of old-school and fresh-from-the-street slang.”, it turns out it’s one of these wiki-things – where everyone and their dog’s uncle can get on and type in whatever they want.  Unlike Wikipedia, which I generally trust, we don’t have people fixing each other’s errors, just adding on new, and more colorful, definitions.

… So, take it for what it is, but I still found it kind of amusing.

Endured it for 30 years…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

… And just for the record, Ford is the only American auto company that didn’t just file bankruptcy and beg the Feds for money.

Seriously, my friends.

… I was reading the PARADE section of my Salt Lake Tribune this morning and one of the articles was talking about Super Bowl Myths.  One of the myths was “MYTH #6 The outcome of the Super Bowl predicts the stock market’s performance for the coming year.”  They say that if a team from the old National Football League wins, the markets go up.  If the winner is from the old American Football League, the markets go down. 

… As hard as it may be to believe, there is a correlation.  According to some investment guy from Florida,  this myth holds true for 36 of the 43 Super Bowls so far (not including this year).  That’s a correlation of .79, or 79% of the time it’s right.

… The question is why?  Just because there is a correlation, doesn’t mean there is a link between the two.  For example, in one of my statistics classes the professor pointed out  that the correlation between cigarette smoking and lung cancer was the same as the migration of storks to some area in the Netherlands (I can’t remember the area she mentioned) and a spike in the birth rate there.

… Causality?  Probably not.  But it still is amusing.

Avatar

… I went and saw the movie Avatar tonight.  Since everything I heard said to see the 3D version, that’s what I did.  AMAZING.  That’s what it was.  Yeah, it’s your basic 1950’s Western taking place on another planet.  White man wants what’s on the native’s land and will do anything to get it, including wiping out the entire race.  Lot’s of mystical, one with the planet, tame or kill the savage stuff.  Except in science-fiction mode.  And the natives kick ass on the “man”.  I don’t know if I would have come away with the WOW feeling if I’d seen it in 2D, but the action, the scenery and everything jumping out at ya was great.  I completely zoned out everything around me and couldn’t believe it was already 11:00 when I got out of the movie, which for me means it was a great one. So, if you haven’t seen it yet, I give it a two thumbs up and strongly suggest you see it in 3D.

Animal Rights Activist named “Veal”

… Ok, so it’s spelled Viehl, but it’s still pronounced like the meat that comes from baby bovine, a favorite target of animal rights groups.  22 year old William Viehl was just sentenced to 2 years in prison for letting hundreds of South Jordan minks free from their pens at a mink farm.  I just laughed as I heard his name said several times during the newscast.

… I also laughed at this video I found on YouTube.  As an avid fan of Calvin and Hobbs, I just couldn’t resist posting it here.

Another one of these “learn about me” emails.

… I like these emails, they are kind of fun for me to fill out.  But I also, in general, dislike chain emails. So, in a fine win-win situation, I answered to the people who sent me theirs and then I’ll post the answers here. If you feel like answering the questions, you can copy and paste it into a word program, answer them for yourself and then post them here or on your own blog.  Or, just ignore the whole thing.

FOODOLOGY

· What is your salad dressing of choice? Blue Cheese

· What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Blue Plate Diner

· What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Crown Burger

· What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? T-Bone

· What are your pizza toppings of choice?  Ham, mushrooms

DOESN’T FIT IN FOODOLOGY SO MOVED IT TO - OTHEROLOGY

· *How many televisions are in your house? 4

· *What color cell phone do you have?  It rings, who cares what color it is.

BIOLOGY:

· Are you right-handed or left-handed? Left

· Have you ever had anything removed from your body?  Nope

· What is the last heavy item you lifted? Refrigerator

· Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Not that I know of

· Have you ever fainted? Nope

BULLCRAPOLOGY:

· If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Nope

· If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I’d change my last name to Schiavina, my grandfather’s last name.

· How many pairs of flip-flops do you own? None

· Last person you talked to? One of my coworkers.

FAVORITOLOGY:

· Season? Spring

· Holiday? 4^th of July

· Day of the week? Saturday, the only day I don’t work either job.

· Month? June. I’m a teacher

· Color? Blue or green

· Drink? Winter: hot buttered rum. Summer: Margarita.

CURRENTOLOGY:

· Missing someone? Yes, there are several people who have been in my life and left that I miss, who and how much is situational – different events make me miss different people at the time.

· What are you listening to? Judge Judy

· Watching? Nothing, the TV is behind me.

· Worrying about? Job related stuff.

· What's the last movie you saw in the theater? Sherlock Holmes.

· Do You Smile often? Yes, as often as possible

· If you could change your eye color what would it be? Nah.

· What's on your wish list for your birthday? I am sure it's something with wheels, nothing anybody should get me. <- Ditto for me.

· Can you do push-ups? Yep, one.

· Can you do a chin up? Almost one.

· Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Nervous right now, usually excited

· Have you been in a Car wreck? Yes, I had two cars in one wreck once

· Have you caused a Car wreck? Not since I was a teenager

· Do you have an accent? Yes, with a few words

· Last time you cried? Honestly can’t remember, but it hasn’t been that long.

· Plans tonight? Meeting with friends up at the “U” tonight.

· Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? My first year teaching.

· Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Ground beef, jalapenos and onions.

· Met someone who changed your life?  When?  How many? People have been changing my life throughout my 50 years.

· For the better or worse? Mostly for the better, but even if it’s not for the better, I have learned from them.

· How did you bring in the New Year? Friends. Didn’t drink a whole lot, but had a few, screamed and yelled out on 13^th East at midnight the had another drink and went home.

· Name three people who might complete this? I hate this question, it’s only here to guilt three people into responding.

· Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Depends on conditions. To live my life over again? I don’t know. To see historical things and then come back, definitely.

· Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? No.

· What songs do you sing in the shower? None

· Have you held hands with someone today? Nope.

· Who was the last person you took a picture of? Co workers at the Jazz game.

· Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Both. It would also depend on how you define “old”.  I have been making friends all my life, and still am in contact with friends I made 3 years ago, 5 years ago, 7 years ago, 17 years ago and 30 years ago.

· Do you like pulpy orange juice? Yes.

· What is something your friends make fun of you for? Eating fast or being loud, take your pick <- ditto again

· What were you doing 12 AM last night? Sleeping.

· What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Oh, $*@#, it’s 5 am again.

Didn’t know chickens had them…