Sunday, September 20, 2009

Things that make you wonder “Who left the door to the loony bin open?”

 
.... While cleaning up the counters I found this written in one of our nacdemonho plates:
At first I took it all very personally. I was halfway to dialing up Homeland Security, then I started to wonder.  Was it meant for a specific Chevron employee?  No, everything’s plural.  Maybe all Chevron employees? 
Then why in a nacho plate?  There must be a better place to insult employees.  Maybe it is in reference to nacho eaters, could it be the work of some secret anti-nacho organization?  Or maybe they’re protesting the killing of trees to make plates for non-nutritious junk food?  Maybe they just hate cheese.  Maybe it’s the tortilla chips?
.... I spent the rest of the evening coming up with scenario after scenario, one conspiracy evolving into the next until it finally occurred to me to ask “Because what?”  They defaced a nacho plate all because the elusive “you” are immature, demonic, outcast devil maggots?  Or is there more to come? 
.... Maybe I should call Homeland Security.  Or just give Dubya a buzz to let him know he was right.
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7 comments:

A Paperback Writer said...

Actually, I"m impressed with his/her spelling and punctuation. Except for the fact that "outcasts" is a compound word, everything is spelled right, including "you're."
This is an educated vandal you're dealing with, which makes it even stranger.

Max said...

I wasn't sure about that, not being an english teacher, but I did notice the handwriting was very good. I'm not an expert, but from that I got the feeling they were educated.

A Paperback Writer said...

Last spring we had a kid vandalize the bathrooms in our science building, making threats of violence. The vice principal sent out photos by e-mail asking for info. I made the comment that the kid had spelled everything right, and that that would help narrow the search, as it was an advanced student. But half the teachers in the school went nutso on me, wondering how I could joke about such things when he was making threats. Then, when he was caught, he WAS an honors student, a quiet kid that no one guessed had problems. Still, I got no apologies from those that pounced on me. To me if was pretty brainless. Let's see, if the graffiti's in Spanish, we'll assume the kid speaks it, right? That probably rules out the Samoan kids. But if he spells well, that means he's not the average idiot. duh.
Anyway, you don't have to catch your vandal, but, as a good reader of the Inspector Rebus series, I have given you a clue. :)

Max said...

First of all, people need to chill out. We've had our fair share of freak-outs this year already and all I can think is "no one is asking you to chop off a limb." Even worse was that you were actually trying to help the search, not making fun of it. Glad you found him, maybe get him a little help. As for the clue, i must ask: clue to what?

A Paperback Writer said...

In case you decide to solve your little mystery, Inspector Max.

A Paperback Writer said...

Max Holmes, Chevron Private Eye.

Max said...

The only thing that comes to mind is the episode with the beer theft. Am I right? Do I win a new toaster oven?