Thursday, March 05, 2009

Of Age and Feet.

Every now and then age comes up in class, because frankly to the students all teachers (except cute History Teacher) are OLD.  Yesterday one of my students accused me of being 46, for which I thanked them.  When I informed them that I actually was going to be 49 this year, S hit me with "That's so old you can smell the stench of death."  Without even needing time to think about it, J sitting right next to me, comes back with "No, that's just 'cause his shoes are off."
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12 comments:

A Paperback Writer said...

nice line from the kid.
I got called old for the first time when I was 24.
A 7th-grader asked how old I was and I told him. He replied, "That's OLD!!!"
I was miffed. "Twenty-four's not old!" I told him.
He said, "Look, we're 12. You're TWICE our age. That's old."
I had to admit he was right.
I've been old ever since. Got my first grey hairs at 26. Went senile somewhere around there as well. Makes teaching a lot easier, actually.

Your Conscience said...

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Re: "He said, 'Look, we're 12. You're TWICE our age. That's old.'"

And to think some claim our math skills are declining...

Now if they can just calculate change without having to be told the correct amount by a machine....
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Max said...

My, my, my, Your Conscience. Long time, my friend, great to see you're still out there.
That's the irony of teaching Math in our public schools these days, once you're in 9th grade you don't get credit for anyting lower than Algebra, whether you've passed the other classes or not. So, I've got students that really ought to be in Geometry but don't want to work so hard, along with ones that haven't passed Math since 3rd grade.
But you do have to ask yourself; If it weren't for those machines that tell them how much change to give, what would they be doing for a living?

Your Conscience said...

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Re: "That's the irony of teaching Math in our public schools these days, once you're in 9th grade you don't get credit for anyting lower than Algebra, whether you've passed the other classes or not."

Your Conscience responds: Your Conscience is surprised the credit goes that far. Recently our hero was in a local business (Your Conscience will not tell you what particular business, but its name starts with an "s" and rhymes with "Ham Weller's Zion Book Store")to enjoy a cup of coffee and purchase some reading material. Somewhere along the line tragedy struck and the cash registers went on the fritz causing near anarchy. While dodging the Molotov cocktails he watched the woman at the now inoperable register trying to calculate the total of his purchase. Not only did she have to add together the two items he was purchasing she had to add tax. No small feat...

Tension mounted. Using his iPod, Your Conscience flipped on "Carmina Bruina" to make the moment complete in its drama. Would she succeed or would she suffer epic fail?

Thankfully she had a table by which she could look up the sales tax. But Your Conscience was confused. All she had to do was add the two items multiply it by 1.0675. This would save her time and allow the growing line to move more quickly. Her response was akin to the look one might receive when trying to explain "Eraserhead" to a goldfish, but without the gills, cool ceramic castles, 'n' shit. But the gills would have been cool...

Thankfully the coffee at this nameless business is sold in a separate area. A third item could have had tragic consequences...

Re: "But you do have to ask yourself; If it weren't for those machines that tell them how much change to give, what would they be doing for a living?"

Your Conscience responds: They'd be making sure them queers don't recruit our chilluns. Everyone knows that's for Mormon missionaries to do...

Re: "...great to see you're still out there."

Your Conscience responds: Yeah, Your Conscience never really went anywhere. He posts on a few forums, but has in general been under deep cover... Oddly enough many people really believe that Your Conscience really is the head of the Republican party's Department of Awesome Funkiness. It must have something to do with Mikedog Steele..
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jmpnmark said...

In my day I use to give my favored teachers a bottle of 'One a day with vitamins' for their birthday. I don't think that would go over too well these days.

Hey YC always a pleasure to see your writings, it's been a long time. I'm sure The Zorkian Grue really misses you!!

Max said...

Sir Duke - I'm just glad they didn't have Viagra out back when you were in school.

jmpnmark said...

Yeah I'm sure the teachers would have used it for the same reason I use it today. To keep from *^&%& on my shoes when using the urinal.

A Paperback Writer said...

Wow.
This has to be the most I've ever seen written in your comments' columns.
Congrats.

Your Conscience said...

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Re: "Sir Duke - I'm just glad they didn't have Viagra out back when you were in school."

Yeah, then they'd have to weld the bathroom stall shut... What was he doing in there any way?

Re: "Hey YC always a pleasure to see your writings, it's been a long time."

It has. So gallant Sir Duke, are you back in Salt Lake?

Re: "I'm sure The Zorkian Grue really misses you!!"

Not as much as he enjoyed cleaning his parents' front lawn...
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Max said...

Thanks, Writer. I hit an all time high of 77 page hits yesterday. Not bad for a Podunk little personal blog.
As for the Viagra, I just pictured Sir Duke (aka jumpnmark) giving it as a gift to teachers instead of the One A Day with vitamins. An even better way of saying you’re old.
Ahhh, good old Porkian Stew. Wonder what he’s up to these days? We never did get to meet him fact to face, did we. He kept shining us ‘cause “you guys are scary”. Ah well, his loss. But we did have fun at his expense;
1. Octopus wrapped around his morning paper (my favorite).
2. Sizzler all-you-can-eat beef bones staked in his yard
3. Mashed potato flakes spread across the front lawn
4. Instead of T.P. we used VCR tape
Shoulda just met us. It would have been easier, even if we were a little bit scary.

jmpnmark said...

I wonder if we could find 'Dorkian Jew' and conduct another midnight raid. I'm sure it would really freak the guy out.

RE:YC
I'm living in Mesa Arizona these days. I've thought about moving but doubt I could sell my house.

Max said...

Well, just for fun I Googled Orkian Goo's real name, and found a lot of people by that name, but nothing I was convinced was him. One guy is about the right age, was born in Provo and went to college here in Utah, but it didn't say anything about living in Salt Lake or graduating from Olympus. The picture did no good, since it's 20 years later and we never did see the guy. But it would be fun to go on a midnight raid again.....