Got this in an email.

---

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally.

---

Ever wonder why?

---

It's because she smells like a new golf bag.

 

 

Hilarious, r-rated joke.

http://www.quietlikehorses.com/2009/07/friday-night-funny.html

Pandemic

Dateline: Sesame Street:  Last night Kermit the Frog died from the Swine Flu.  Sources close to him report that his last words were "That damn pig told me she was clean!"

Are you kidding?

I'm addicted to ksl.com car classifieds.  There are an amazing amount of 1969-1979 cars out there for sale in Utah, and I'm always dreaming about the next one I'm going to pick up, regardless of how little money I have.  Saw this one on there for only $499.99, or anything that can maim or kill.

1978 Buick Regal. This is the car that started it all. The grand dady of the low Riderz. Listen up all you teenager wannabe smoothies. This is the car for you. Turbo V6,Carbed. Easy to work on, will turn out to be the ultimate pimp mobile. Big Back seat, fast, and fun. Head turner when you get done w/ it. Call: ***** *** @ 801-***-****, no messages, texts ok. Runs, but needs works. Will consider trades for cool stuff like guns, ATVs, Drums, explosives and stuff.  Thanks!!!! Check it out !!

What's wrong with this picture?

Got this in an email today:
IKEA HAS ANNOUNCED ITS INTENTION TO TAKE OVER GMC, AND TO SELL CARS.

WE ARE IN DEEP SH!T........................
Who can tell me what's wrong with this joke? (If Pedro & the Gearheads don't get it right away, I'll eat the car).

Couple o' jokes and a funny(ish) student comment.

Denny's has added a new item to their menu - called the "Octuplet Slam"

You get eight eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay for it.

-------(badbim-badaboom)----------------------------------------------------

And this from my older brother, the writer of "The World According to Pedro":

A gynecologist had become so fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

    When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained  a  score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I  don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."

     The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart  perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark, You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. This equaled an A."

    After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career.

And finally, I was discussing Parent/Teacher Conferences with a student who was concerened about what I would be telling his parents.  He told me that he would only be worried if his mother came, because his father wouldn't care.  When I asked him what he meant by that, he told me that all his father ever says is "Get good grades and don't get laid until college."  Good intentions, bad execution.

(This is what you get when I take a break from spending the whole day doing homework)

Smart Princess

Once upon a time in a land far away,a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: I don't freakin think so.