How to spread a big fat lie.

A chain letter that originally started as a text has made it’s way onto Facebook.  I’ve commented about how I hate those “if you don’t pass this on…” emails (and now texts and Facebook posts) and how even if I like their message, I remove that part before sending it on.

It annoys me.  It’s a flat out threat, calculated to scare people into passing on the originator’s point of view, or in this case a bold faced lie.

A lot of times it’s a way for someone to insure a cause they believe in gets out there.  I this case, since the information being spread is an irrelevant false statistic, I think it’s just some moron out there that gets off on manipulating people.

Duhn, duhn, da!

Guess I’m going to have a bad week.  Or not.

The Netherlands, a province of China

… Ah, yes.  I love those chain emails.  This one was a Chinese proverb that had a whole bunch of these “With money you can buy …, but you can’t buy …”  For example “With money you can buy sex, but you can’t buy love.”  You get the idea, it touched on health, wisdom, respect and of course sex.  And in the end it promises you good luck if you send it off to 20 friends within 4 days.  Yes, you will get a ton of good luck if you send it off to 20 friends in 4 days.  That’s 20 friends in only 4 days.  Did you get that you have to send it off to 20 friends?  In 4 days?  For lots of luck?

… Yeah, the proverb took 9 of the powerpoint slides, and there were 10 pages reminding you to send 20 copies in 4 days.

… Anyways, the reason this one warrants mention is because of one little slide, the one below:

… Chinese proverb?  Originated from The Netherlands?  WTF?

Chain email of the year.

Thanks to jmpnmark for this one.

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. 

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. 
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years. 
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. 
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. 
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. 
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. 
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish. 
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. 
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. 
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. 
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. 
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans. 
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... Disfiguring me for life. 
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. 
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. 
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. 
THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. 
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. 
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p..m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . .

Oh, by the way..... a German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Heartwarming email stories, gotta love them. (Uh, not really).

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

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On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

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The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

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Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

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Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

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Probably wasn't the same elephant.
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This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.