Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? Because electricity is moving electrons, if you push the button hard enough, you just might get a couple extra electrons moving.
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? So they can put you further into debt, tack it onto your credit card bill and charge you 21%
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? You can reach the wet paint, not the stars
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? It sticks to the bottle, just not to itself
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? We don’t want to kill innocent bacteria by accident
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? You’ve seen him stick his face in a lions mouth – that’s what he’s doing, getting a shave
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? He doesn’t want to dent the revolver
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? So they hurt more when they land on top of their enemies
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? English was invented by a sadist, that’s why there are 3 ways to spell “to”.
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Some apes were too smart to evolve
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? The water sucks the color out of the bubbles
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? October 17th, 1356, but it only lasted between 1:25 and 2:06 pm.
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? The average memory span of an American is about 3.2 miliseconds. We just simply forget that there’s nothing we like in there.
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? We don’t want to hurt the self-esteem of the vacuum cleaner by doing it’s work for it.
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? The same guys that came up with the English language invented plastic bags.
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? They get in as babies and then can’t get out when they’re full grown.
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you idiot?' Punching the idiot in the face will just land us in jail
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? Murphy’s Law.
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? No kidding. That’s why I run the furnace at 68 in the summer and the air conditioner at 72 in the winter.
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? Mother-in-laws wouldn’t stand for it.
And my FAVORITE......The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you. I've done my job and sent this email to you , now it's up to you to send it on. After reading my responses, you should now know who the crazy one is…..