Missouri Flood Survival Kit

• Toilet Paper.......................................check


• Bud Light...........................................check


• Keystone Ice.....................................check


• Budweiser..........................................check


• Red Dog..............................................check


• Misc. other bottles of alcohol....................check


• Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on ......................check

And thanks to everyone who sent me these jokes & pictures, it's not like I find all these on my own.....

Float in German parade.....

Bad Joke, gotta love it.....

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl".
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation"
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I can not tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano,and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be analtar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,"What'd you get?"


"4 months vacation and five good leads".

How to turn a weeks worth of food into 2 meals.

Make a bunch of lasagna. Put it in the oven at 400 F. Forget about it and go visit some friends. Not the smartest thing I've ever done, but not the worst either. I have to admit that after being gone for over 3 hours, I was half expecting to see the fire department out in front of my house. Fortunately, the only thing damaged was my dinner. The center was still good, got dinner out of it, and probably one more.

What next?

Sittin' here writin' the post and watchin' the news. You lock your car because you're afraid of someone stealing your stereo. You hide your valuables in the trunk or under a cover for the same reason. Well, saw on the news today that there is something people are stealing from your car that you can't lock up. The catalytic converter. The value of the metals in the converter have gone up enough that they are getting between $50 and $100 for old converters. So, these people will pull up next to a parked car and slide under it and cut off the converter. They have it happening on surveillance cameras and it took all of 5 minutes. So, they say that if you see someone working under a car in a parking lot, call the cops. Let them figure out if it really is the owner.

Could a Bush by any other name be as stupid?

• I hope we get to the bottom of the answer. It's what I'm interested to know. - April 26, 2000
• My job is to, like, think beyond the immediate. - April 2004
• It's very important for folks to understand that when there's more trade, there's more commerce - April 2001
• First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, more a treaty that I thought made sense for the county. - April 24, 2001
• Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is until we get an objective analysis. - April 2000
• I'. the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense - April 18, 2006
• I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the mother in me. - April 14, 2005
• This has been tough weeks in that country [Iraq]. - April 13, 2004