Killing them with kindness.

One of those nights. I didn’t get out of there until at least a half hour after I was supposed to.  Cars needing a jump start, diet Pepsi running out and a few other things that are hard to take care of when you are the only one there, and I didn’t want to leave my coworker alone with them.

But taking the cake was Mr. Ballistic.  I have never seen a customer get this irate, and the worst was after he left the store.

He came in, we were a little busy, and he got up to my coworkers till, slammed $15 on the counter, said “15 on 15.”, turned around and walked away.  We’re used to this, no big deal.  Except that he went to the bathroom before going out to pump his gas.  It took enough time that his pump timed-out.  They’re set up to do that so that if someone forgets to pump their gas (and it does happen more often than you’d think) the next person to pull up to that pump won’t get their it.

So, he’s sitting out at the pump and it’s not working.  He doesn’t hit the “help” button.  He doesn’t come in to tell us that his gas won’t pump.  He starts telling other customers, on their way in, to tell us that his gas isn’t pumping.  When another customer tells me he’s out there waiting, I hit the “Authorize” button, which un-times-out the pump.  But, he’s already half way in the store, comes up to my coworker and says that he wants his “f*#$ing 15 dollars worth now.”  I try to tell him that I already reset it, my coworker is offering him his $15 back and all he can say is “make it f*#$ing work!” and walks out.

My coworker says that he is going to follow him out to the pump to make sure it works for him, but he didn’t even make it halfway out before he meets the guy on his way back into the store.  Tries to get the guy’s attention, but the customer is too focused to even notice.

He gets to my till, tells me he wants his “f*#$ing $15 dollars back. I’m in a f*#$ing hurry.  I’ve got s%#t to do and I can’t f*#$ing wait.”  I open the cash register, pull out a $10 and a $5, hand it to him and say “Here you go.”

As he’s walking away I start ringing up the next guy, a pretty big, buff, guy in shorts and a t-shirt.  Mr. Ballistic says to me, on his way out, “thanks for f*#$ing nothing!”.  I say, not even trying to sound sarcastic, “You’re welcome.”

Ohhh, that did it.  He turns around, starts yelling about how he wants the manager’s phone number, he wants to call corporate, he wants to complain about “them hiring people that can’t speak English and make a (yes, the f-word again) gas pump work.”  (Oh did I mention that my coworker is hispanic, has an accent, but speaks perfect English).  I turn around to get the book with Corporate’s number in it (no, I would never give out the manager’s home number) and he’s heading back to the counter yelling the f-word along with some other stuff.

The big guy in shorts and t-shirt turns around, stands right in his way and sticks out his finger to stop Mr. Ballistic.  I didn’t hear this part because t-shirt guy was speaking softly, but from what Mr. Ballistic yelled back, he must have said something like “I’m an off duty police officer, and you need to calm down.” 

“You (f-word again) assaulted me!  You F-ing touched me before you told me you were a cop, that’s assault.  What’s your name?  What’s your badge number?  Never mind, I’ll just get your license plate number.”  Fortunately the cop was dealing with it from here.  My coworker was back and we returned to ringing up customers. 

Mr. Ballistic followed Off duty cop out into the parking lot as he went to his car, doing a perfect imitation of a 1960’-70’s “you ain’t gonna push me around, you f-ing nazi pig” rebel.

A woman, who was on her way into the store heard what was going on.  I’m assuming she was in law enforcement too, because she turned around and got into the fray.  It was pretty busy at this point, because both my coworker and I were ringing up customers, so we didn’t get the whole conversation, but we did get bits and pieces.  Let’s just say that it involved a lot of swearing and, at one point, up to 3 customers other than  Mr. Ballistic.  Next thing I knew they were all gone.  Mr. Ballistic never did get Corporate’s number, not that I was worried.  What was he going to tell them, that the pumps weren’t working right? That I said “you’re welcome”?

Funny thing was, I never felt threatened by this guy, like the worst he would ever do is complain to my boss.

I never did get to thank the police officers, so I’ll do it here.  Thank you.  You were awesome, you handled that guy like a pro.

More on cops & robbers....

First, a little note from Alex about the social strata in Wendover :

This is getting too easy.

In the Tribune today it was reported that the wife of the Chief of Police for the city of Wendover was arrested for selling drugs at the club where she strips. I knew Wendover was a classy place but I had no idea it was so efficient as to combine its police force with its entertainment industry. I wonder if the Chief asks for his paycheck in dollar bills. Christmas at the station must be easy, they already have the entertainment and the Chief can go to the evidence room and get his wife's stuff to give her as her present.

Like I said, that was easy.

Alex Rossi

On the other hand are the residents in a Rose Park neighborhood who are furious over the police shooting of one of their neighbors. They argue that it was unjustified because the police still have not confirmed that the man had a gun. According to the news report I saw (channel 2, I think) the police had been called to the area on a report that someone was waving a gun and threatening someone else. When the police confronted the man he charged at them yelling something like "you're going to have to kill me" while reaching into his pocket. Umm, does the phrase "it really doesn't matter if he did have a gun" mean anything? I don't know about you, but the one time I had a couple cops pointing their guns at me I froze, moving only my lips enough to say into the phone "Tell them I'm not the burglar". I didn't whip around, pointing the phone at them and saying "What the hell are you doing, the stupid burglar left 20 minutes ago." Unless the facts were reported incorrectly, the guy got what should have been expected.

More from one of my freelance editorialists...

Banney Fife, the inept police officer from the Andy Griffith Show, is alive and well in Orem, Utah and it appears Goober, Gomer and Floyd the barber are on the police oversight committee there.

In early July "Barney" spied a lawn in Orem which violated a city ordinance prohibiting derelict foliage (it was not watered and as a consequence - dead). He attempted to give the owner a citation for her fiendish act of defiance when she got scared and tried to go into her house. The officer grabbed her and tried to handcuff her; he wasn't going to let this lawbreaker get away from him. In the ensuing struggle she hit her face on her steps and was bleeding. "Barney" didn't let this deter him from seeing that justice was served. The elderly homeowner was removed to jail as all criminals should be.

The reason I bring this up now is that the officer (his real name isn't Barney Fife, but this really did happen in Orem, Utah and there really is a numbskull on the Orem police force who did these things) had this incident reviewed by an oversight committee today. They (Goober, Gomer and Floyd) found that the refusal of the lady to cooperate was the aggrevating factor in the incident and the officer is free to go back on active duty tomorrow.

The people of Orem can rest easier knowing that their town is being watched over by such a public servant. The weeds may grow wild and people may unwittingly resist the law elsewhere, but not in Orem. For the rest of us remember this next time you think about stopping for gas in Orem or attending an event there. Ask yourself if there is an alternative where you won't risk being shoved to the ground and taken to jail because you didn't pick up your candy wrapper fast enough for the Man.

And I am sorry for impuning the character of Barney Fife, he was inept but he did know enough not to push old ladies around.
Alex Rossi